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Coals

 
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sybil
Oracle


Joined: 13 Dec 2010
Posts: 871

PostPosted: Fri Jan 01, 2016 6:03 pm    Post subject: Coals Reply with quote

FIT TO A T
1 1 2016
Sybil
HUGS!


I gave her a book of arcane poems.

Buffy gave me a blank book. A diary. “A way to recall memories.” she said. But to her, a diary was a grimoire of secrets the world didn’t deserve to hear: The truth. The lock and key, together, to help me “get rid of my demons.” She said.

I half laughed. She couldn’t know getting rid of the first would end the second, yet her gift of the blank page was already perfect.

I took up a quill, not to write or spoil the soul of her gift, just to hear her laugh. She had thought ostentation was a thing of the ancient past and should ‘fit me to a T.’ She probably thought the expression meant tee shirt, we both secretly removed, hers and mine, as a better fit.

I rejected tea, she knew in bags, and secretly accepted old torment in my new and secret stash of expired blood bags, necessary to heal the deeper wounds, when, stepping from a branch to the roof, outside her window, to share our secret kisses, I didn’t mean to hear Buffy’s unguarded secret with Willow—even as I heard her hide her torn and bloody baby tees from her mother—that my wounds made her want to eat me alive—Willow added I smelled like bacon—golf? Maybe. Curling? Never.

My eidetic memory argued between J. Giles’ Poems of 1771: “I’ll tell you where You may be suited to a tee.” and ‘to a jot or tittle’ of Francis Beaumont’s Jacobean comedy, The Woman Hater of 1607. These flashes spent in silence, in one unforgotten dead self to other dead, lived too long, too little or too much to the ever present and vibrant Buffy, stated the obvious of our opposing complications. Somehow, we fit to a T: the silent secret, same, shared and unspoken: love could be as simple as true.
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Kairos
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Joined: 22 Oct 2009
Posts: 1419

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 2:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's fantastic. Beautiful writing! Thanks for contributing some fiction, this subforum has been silent for way too long.
_________________
But there the silver answer rang: not Death, but Love.
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sybil
Oracle


Joined: 13 Dec 2010
Posts: 871

PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2016 7:58 pm    Post subject: AMENDING A WHITE CHRISTMAS Reply with quote

AMENDING A WHITE CHRISTMAS
Quotations taken from the Episode "Amends,” season 3; BTVS
http://www.jango.com/music/Barry+Manilow

Are you sorry now, Kairos?
hugs!
sybil

Family. Loading up on guilt, choking on food and gifts. Tradition!

Angel and I aren’t friends now. Friends don’t need each other to go cold turkey to stop being. I mean like “Friends” hasta have a happy ending. It’s in the stars.

Beyond the door, shopping. Bing Crosby is crooning away about white Christmas and bells winging. So…wasn’t that story really about nothing ever bad happening, eventually, for real, but didn’t you lose your guardian angel? What a snow job! It doesn’t even rain in southern California—now that’s a classic. Well, hardly ever…God, it’s hot!


So we stay away.


“Hi”

“Angel…. “

“Silent knight. Wholly night” follows a shopper out the door.

“So, are you shopping? You’re… probably not shopping.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”



The bell rings. Doorways fill with students, funneling them into the halls of Sunnydale High School.

“ And then he just bailed. He didn't say anything. He just took off. It was so weird.” Willow and Buffy take a beat to work the combination locks on their lockers.

“Angel? Weird? What are the odds?" Xander takes Buffy’s frozen stare.

“Do you think something's wrong? Maybe you should tell Giles.” Willow sympathized, as both lockers open.

:No. I don't wanna bug Giles. He's still kinda twitchy when it comes to the subject of Angel.’ Buffy said, hiding little from Willow, as she removed her jacket to hang in the locker.

“Well, it must be that whole Angel-killed-his-girlfriend-and-tortured-him thing. Hey, Giles is pretty petty when it comes to stuff like that.” Xander piped up, like that annoying MUZAK at the mall.

“Xander, enough, okay?”

Buffy takes a paper bag lunch from her locker and then closes the door.


“Do you wanna get one with snow on it? Be very Christmasy.”

Forest…trees, Mom? “I think those are just for display.”

‘Oh. You know, honey, I was thinking. Maybe we should invite
Faith to spend Christmas Eve with us?”

Um… I don't know. Faith and I don't really hang out. Or talk or make
eye contact lately,” noticing her mother assess a better tree.

“Do you really wanna let her spend Christmas Eve all by herself in that dingy little motel room?”

(smiles) “You're still number one with a guilt trip, Mom.”

“I try.”

Buffy surrenders on a small sigh, “ I'll ask her.”

“You're a doll.”

Yea! Not a creepy puppet and no head at the table, guy-wise. I’ll push my lucky.. “What about Giles? I mean, he doesn't have any fam—”

(Rejecting another tree) “—No, I'm sure he's fine.”

“We could at least ask him and see...” if I could make it up.

He doesn't wanna spend Christmas Eve with a bunch of girls,” an impatient breath punctuating the end of the subject. “Let's split up.”

Buffy sighs, not really seeing more than naked trees needing Dots connected. No more men for holidays. Sorry, Mom. I just got festive for a few fantasy seconds.


Angel loves food. We had a not-a-date to see a movie about food—a silent night kind of meeting. Friends do that. I had to tell him that. He told me, “Sorry.” Not about the French, the eating in “Amelia’s Banquet”….I got to see him make a four star encore out of Margaret. He licked plain old baking vanilla off my fingers once. He can’t really eat, but then when he’s around, I can’t either. Butterflies? How about flying sticks of battering rams with that flagrant burning sizzle turning my blood to smoke? I’m surprised he doesn’t cough. But then he’d have to breathe, something else I tend to lose around him. Saves on lies out loud.

Star bright, Star light. Clarence? Are you there? I wish I may, I wish—I just wish we could stop starring in each other’s dreams—just hold hands. Be together. Like snow and the world catches it. Like heavenly peace is real.
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sybil
Oracle


Joined: 13 Dec 2010
Posts: 871

PostPosted: Mon Jan 04, 2016 2:30 pm    Post subject: RE Fit to a T Reply with quote

I have been given permission to post PM between Kairos and me. I do so in the hopes others of you will breathe upon the coals and see the embers glow and, perhaps, ignite once more in the joys and hopes you once felt and might still feel. We have to write this story for ourselves, for a story you know to be true, and worth it’s life within you. I hope you will share it in all the ways Kairos suggests below.

Kairos: January 2, 2016

That's fantastic. Beautiful writing! Thanks for contributing some fiction, this subforum has been silent for way too long.

Sybil reply
Admittedly, I am a little stunned, overwhelmed, twitterpated to have such a sumptuous, luscious, yet economic review from one who actually can write and does so joyfully and powerfully.

I am never quite sure about the threads for adding such comments in some private mutual admiration society, even if I do wish for others to know I don't mean to praise your prowess, as if it automatically justifies why you should, some how, "naturally" see my greatness. ha! I honestly just had to plunk down something, anything, to stop hurting and to make the new year, actually NEW--which you actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IN SO MANY PLACES AND WITH SO MANY!

I just had to do something to not be so downcast in the only fandom I ever had because I simply don't buy the ignored premises of the original work, which mostly, altered IT, to accommodate "the biz" and not the art, IMO. But I have a love hate of Joss Whedon and I am in no position to speak further about the wide and intense participation you command in many fandoms. I thank you for letting me "squeak" with such encouragement to do more. Blood Roses is the last hold out forum and "writing off" Buffy or Angel deserved better--it deserved it's story being told, even if we have to do it, in moments or mythic scope.

I am so grateful you posted on this forum. It hurts when even the mods "can't be bothered"--even if understanding that RL does not mean not caring. Nothing to say rather means death. If the "love has died"--I guess I don't believe that person ever understood what love is. Even if it is the travelling visitor that remains whole unto itself to some. I guess I just think that "complicated" love doesn't understand its simplicity. It is and to experience it is to know the joy of the other is one's own. That is what Buffy needs for Angel and vice versa, whatever Joss Whedon yammers on about.

I just wish to tell you that those who could love a little story so--THIS B/A story that creates so many more in picture, word, and even deed, to me, "know what to see" and that is the connection, the comfort, the compassion that makes your hand to mine join a path together, one we celebrate, even when "what must be said" is hard to take, but that isn't ever the whole of the story. Love really is. That's why what you said had more power than you can know, and that power fires and illuminates you!
HUGS!
Sybil
P.S..

If you think it appropriate to a fic thread to re post this for others to read as even approprite to respond to your review, I fully give all permissions to do so. I really don’t wish to exclude anyone on our forum. We are special in fandom and WE ARE ALL WE GOT! HA!

All your wishes come true in the surprise and creative joy of each day for you and yours!


Kairos January 3, 2016
Hi Sybil!

Really, you give me too much credit. I'm really glad my comment could make you feel good, but after you've put so much into this fandom, you really deserve more of a return than that. The reason I'm so often absent isn't that I can't be bothered or even (usually) just that real life has taken me over, but that I don't want to fill up the board with empty words when I'm not in the B/A mindset. So when I see something like your story and I can sincerely say that I've read it and I liked it, it helps me get back into that mindset without spending hours trying to create something or navigate a discussion.

You can post any of this kind of thing publicly on the board; I wouldn't mind and I'm sure nobody else would either. Remember that although I've been the most active mod over the past few years, it's not my board and I don't make the rules. I know that Dark Star doesn't like negativity so I'm obliged to quench that when I see it, but aside from that, I think all content is good content. I've also been working on setting up my own B/A site where the rules would be more lax. (Of course I'll announce it here if/when it's active.)

Keep writing - even if nobody else ever sees what you write, I can testify for how much it helps, internally. I hope everything goes your way this year, and you get your wishes for more out of this fandom, whether it comes from me or someone else or yourself.

All the best,
Kairos

_________________
But there the silver answer rang: not Death, but Love.

Oh, my dear Wise Woman!

I'm not sure what I deserve, but I do think the fandom for Buffy and Angel actually deserve to get the implied promises in the story they signed on to see. I didn't think that was too much to ask.

You are right that I am trying to heal myself for putting so much loyalty into a single piece of literature I feel has been told through the ages; I just thought a modern re-telling was a worthy subject and Joss actually had the attention span to not end on a cliff hangar; and I am not talking ATS. "More lessons?" Wow--let's just ignore "the point"--the experience of becoming (healthy adults) for two protagonists--actually named in the titles of the shows in case Joss "forgot," with prophecy that always comes true--for NOT THEM?

I understand the exercise of "selfish" writing that never is (nor can be) for anyone else, even when giving the gift to another, it remains the gift of self. I would always say thank you to someone for * accepting * what I give. It makes "thank you" notes "backwards" and yet the pleasure of another is their own feeling “seen,” while accepting you.

I suppose, that is why I had to write that story of Angel getting a blank diary. Angel gave Buffy his feelings he knows are Buffy’s, expressed by another; but Angel felt she gave him himself. And that I “didn’t say that” (ha!) suggests writing is not words!

And yes, that is why we try to "know what to see" and try to "connect" in those rituals of love and pleasure. They strengthen, they heal, they guide, they teach lessons that “other” is self. Love makes us one. Thank you!

HUGS!
sybil
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